Kayak Beats Versailles Woman

The whitewater kayak won.

I would like to make it clear that I put up a respectable fight. Unfortunately, the kayak does not share my assessment.

Last night, I learned three things. None of them involved successfully rolling a kayak.

For those of you who have listened to me whine, moan, and cry about my inability to roll, I have good news. You won't have to listen to it again for a while.

I'm done.

But before I officially retire from my battle with the kayak, I'd like to share three valuable lessons.

Lesson #1: Wearing Crocs without wool socks while walking in the snow is very cold.

Lesson #2: Sometimes the anticipation of something really is as bad as the experience itself.

Lesson #3: Trying to learn how to roll a kayak can be a disaster.

Lesson #1 requires no further explanation. My toes have already expressed their opinion.

Lesson #2 deserves a little background.

Whenever I go to the dentist, I work myself into a nervous tizzy about the horrible experience I'm certain awaits me. Then I arrive, visit Mary, my way-cool dental hygienist, and Dr. Watts, my equally way-cool dentist.

I leave with clean teeth and my complimentary toothpaste, toothbrush, and dental floss. (They really try to guilt you with that last one.)

On the way home, I wonder why I got myself so worked up. Everything was fine.

I wish I could say the same about last night.

I sat beside the pool, staring at the kayaks and contemplating what would happen if I failed to roll one yet again.

Failure.

Embarrassment.

Shame.

Yes, I realize this is a rather dramatic response to a recreational activity.

Nevertheless, there I sat.

Eventually, I got into my kayak and entered the pool.

Which brings us to Lesson #3.

After watching the others for a while, I began practicing hip snaps. Sam came over to help with my rolling.

After an hour or so of trying, I was in tears, and Sam was beyond frustrated.

I finally performed one last wet exit, deposited my boat and gear by the door, and marched my duffel bag and wet buns straight into the locker room.

I cried for a while.

Then I left.

No helping with the boats. No goodbyes to my friends.

Just me, driving home and bawling like a baby.

So there you have it.

The kayak won.

Maybe one day I'll be interested in hearing about different ways to paddle that don't require rolling a kayak.

But not today.

Right now, I'm perfectly willing to admit defeat.

Somewhere along the way, I became so determined to win this ridiculous battle that I forgot why I wanted to whitewater kayak in the first place.

It was supposed to be fun.

And perpetuating miserableness just to win "the game" isn't worth it.

Congratulations, whitewater kayak.  

Enjoy your victory, jackass.