The Nephew and the Pea

Is it an emergency if you put a pea in your ear?

Apparently, it is. 

One evening I called my sister, who was on the verge of frantic. This is difficult to recognize because my sister's version of frantic looks remarkably similar to everyone else's version of mildly alarmed.

She and her husband were desperately trying to extract a pea from my nephew’s ear. Yep, I mean from inside his ear canal.

What? You don’t do that on a regular basis? Hmmm. I guess a nose suction thinga-ma-bobber is your best bet.

My sister says she’ll probably have to go to the hospital because their efforts to free the rebel pea have been unsuccessful.
 

Like the emergency room? Uh huh.

Knowing that my sister is a notorious overreactor, I questioned the “emergency” part of the pea situation. Seemed to me that an early morning call to the pediatrician’s office would suffice. Upon my suggestion, she began to question it too. So she decided to call the “ask a nurse” line or something similar.

She was quickly told to take the child to the emergency room.

Huh? Really an emergency??

Apparently, there is an immediate risk of infection if you lodge a piece of perishable food in your ear canal. 

So in they go…her husband and the pea-brain boy. Meanwhile, my sister stopped to pick up my other nephew on the way to the hospital.

Once at the hospital, she asked about her son’s whereabouts. The receptionist gave her a perplexed look.

Aghast and slightly irritated, my sister said, “I’m here for the boy with the pea in his ear.”

“Oh! Yeah, he’s right over there,” came the reply from the hospital staff.

My sister and her husband really expected to take a pea-less boy home. No such luck.

Because the pea was lodged so deeply and the boy had tubes in his ear, the pea must be extracted under anesthesia. He must go to surgery the next day.

Surgery? For a pea?

The next morning, the surgeon successfully removed the stubborn pea.

My sister went to find him in recovery and asked for him by name. 

A perplexed staff member gazes at my sister. 

“The boy with the pea in his ear,” said my sister with an eye roll. 

 “Oh yeah! He’s right over there!” replied the hospital staff member.

How long will my nephew be “the boy with the pea in his ear”?

Oh, I’m guessing at least until college or marriage or death. It’s just too funny to not embarrass him regularly.

The moral of the story? 

If you plan to put food in your ear, choose a non-perishable item. You know…like a can of tuna fish.